Abbey in the Philippines: Sister Abbey Hafen // Week Thirteen // "Constipated"

So yeah. I've been constipated all week. That is usually kind of a personal thing, right? nope. not here. totally normal to talk about it at the dinner table. How do I know that? because we did talk about it... Every dinner appt I think the topic came up. HA. I was taking a lot of IB profin because my ankle was bothering me, so maybe that did it. But like, 3-4 days without a BM? Yeah, something's wrong. I boiled okrah, drank tons of water, a laxitive pill, ducolex, and yeah. "konte kontelang" just a little here and there. Haha. I feel much better today though. Cross your fingers for me though.

So this week was by far the most difficult week of my mission so far. (<------ and I'm sure there will be plenty of weeks in the future that I will be able to say that again.) I really don't want to go into detail, but the culture difference really just caught up to me & the sisters in our apartment and our branch leaders.

I can say without a doubt, one of the worst feelings in the world is when you have offended someone on accident. That feeling of "oh no." and your stomach just does a thousand flips.

We are fine now, really. Just great. I love the sisters I live with, I love my companion, I love the branch, and I love being a missionary. I love the Philippines and know I was sent here to learn so many things.

It's funny how sometimes when there's a problem, really the only problem is YOURSELF. The Lord really is displaying ALL of my weaknesses and this week I felt as if my strengths were disappearing- just fading away. And all my weaknesses were in the spotlight.

Something from my LTP this week (letter to the president):

"President, all is well. I am learning how to be patient. And how to be humble. I was very scared this week because I think the Lord looked at my "list of weaknesses" record in the file cabinet of "Sister Abbey Hafen" and decided to put them all on display. I felt my strengths disappearing and felt very weak. I felt very nervous, because what will I do without my strengths? But that is what I realized this week: that is THE POINT. To realize that by my strengths alone, I can't make it. I HAVE to rely on the Lord. I have to understand that I cannot do it alone. I need him."

The point of being here really isn't to rely on my own merits. No no no. There's no way I could have survived if I only had my own merits thus far. NO WAY. Noooo waaaay. It really is to rely on the Lord and let him work through me to make those weaknesses----> strengths. After I realized that, after I realized that my weaknesses were in the highlight, I finally surrendered and fell back on my Father in Heaven and my Savior, Jesus Christ. Then.. I began to see strengths. I began to see that, yes. Abbey Hafen is supposed to be here in the Philippines, she is supposed to be here even if at times it is frustrating, lonely, scary, questionable. I was called here by a prophet of God to declare salvation unto HIS people.

Some things from the week:

-so we're cleaning the apartment and president stops by. oh hey president, i'm just in no bra, no makeup, and my justin bieber shirt. the first things presidents wife says is "the biebs?" haha.

-some guy passed us on a tricee and yelled "pday!!" i'm secretly hoping he was an RM.

-i am understanding more and more tagalog. i still feel like i can't say much, but they say thats normal.

-Farewell fireside for all the missionaries leaving. fun to see all the people i knew and loved from the mtc again!

-loved getting "real" letters from Amber Blackburn, Emilee Dickerson, Grandma Hafen and a PACKAGE from Ers!!!!!

-I love my mission president and his wife so much.

-came home from the fireside to a "brownout" hahahaah thats what they call it when the power goes out. Haha. and the water was off all day today. no showers for us!!!

-new peeps in the zone. its huge. maybe like 40 people? maybe 50? sooo many.the work is being hastened here!

-"hello beautiful" - random people on the street. why thank you.. :) Haha.

-my trainer is the best and I love her.

-that feeling of complete excitement and pure love when someone you taught and prayed so hard for that week, walks into the sacrament meeting: ahh- EUPHORIA. Thank you Heavenly Father! Gosh, he is so mindful.

-spoke in church this week. in tagalog (kind of).

We had some really beautiful lessons this week. I am getting better at teaching and I love it. It's hard to feel like you're inviting the spirit when there is that language barrier, but its so true- it doesn't matter; the SPIRIT doesn't speak english or tagalog, it is its own unique language.

My trainer really is the ultimate teacher. So simple, teaches straight doctrine, and keeps people interested. She's the best and I get to learn from her every day. I love teaching lessons, I love 'em. I love the people here in Alicia, Isabela, Philippines. AH.

We had a family home evening with a recent convert who's husband isn't a member, and their family is really struggling at this time. We talked about prayer, the family proclamation, and played games. I can't always say what I want because of the language barrier, but I am so glad the spirit was there as I talked of Family Prayer. I am also grateful that before the misson I was already a champ at facial expressions and actions when I tell stories :) We were dying laughing at the family home evening and I always have some story or funny reaction that gets everyone laughing. Hahahaha.

So many of our investigators are ready to be baptized, but there are things stopping them. Either unsupportive guardians, no money to get a certificate of marriage, no money to officially get annuled (divorced), etc. It's so hard because they are ready. We keep teaching them and teaching them, and they are so prepared. When I get discouraged for them as we're teaching or just wishing that there was a way and thinking in my head 'i wish i could give you money', I just picture them dressed in white. I picture them in the font on their baptism day, maybe ten years from now. I picture them soo happy. They are all staying so strong, which would be SO hard. They read the Book of Mormon, and each of them are so excited to share the things they learned from their reading with us, they come to church, they are "celestial" (as brother king would say).

I feel like this email is lame, but maybe it's caused I really am just exhausted. Missions are tiring, but the best tiring feeling in the universe.

I think the scariest but funnest thing here in the misson is OYM- open your mouth. It's just randomly contacting people in the van, on the road, whereever. I did one on our way here. It's scary cause I ask a question but then I can't always understand their response. But they know I'm american (i'm not sure how, maybe the red hair and freckles give it away) so they are always nice. It's such a THRILL. I get so nervous everytime but after, I feel like I\m on CLOUD NINE THOUSAND!! haha.

Some funny filipino quotes this week from my companion and roommate.

-After I got Eric's package that had jerky in it and gave my companion a piece, she said, "I've only heard of jerky on cartoons." I was dying. She loved the jerky so much. Thanks ers.

and the best one, from Sister Suaybaguio.

"Sister Hafen."

"..Yeah?"

"When you tell jokes, like, it's hard for me to move on."

"What do you mean?!"

"Like, I lay in bed and I just laugh to myself at what you said earlier in the day."

HAHA.

It's true what they say: the happiest and saddest times happen on your mission. The most rewarding and the most dissappointing. The greatest and the worst. You feel you Heavenly Father's presence more some days, and others you feel like you're completely alone. After some experiences, you KNOW you were called to your mission for a reason- and other days you wonder why in the HECK you're here.

This week was hard. It was hard. But I realize that the times it's the hardest, are when I think of myself. When I forget about myself, things start to go a lot smoother. Huh. Funny how that works. Funny how the Savior, in his perfection, never EVER thought of himself. Hmm. Looks like I have some work to do.

Over and out.

-Sister Hapen