Sister Abbey Hafen // Week Nineteen // "I love Akon"

all morning while cleaning and laundering... the neighbors were reppin' Akon. I won't lie, it was so nice. Akon is currently my favorite artist. Haha.

This week was in-SANE. (please tell me you can picture me saying that).

Tuesday, we had an FHE in Gumbauan with Sis. Marlyn Policarpio (recently returned member, also, go add her on facebook and tell her you are my family/friend. she'll love it.) and all her extended family that lives in Gumbauan, who are all less active. It was seriously the funnest night of my life. We had an object lesson on prayer and then spoke, played games, and then I fiddled and we all just had a party. It honestly was a BLAST! 

Tuesday was our last night together as the foursome. Man. What a great time we had. I honestly was SO sad that the foursome was ending, bye bye sister suay and acoba.

... BUT. as I always get proved wrong...

.... CHANGE IS GOOD.

It really is. 

I've shared this before, but for some reason when change is about to happen, i think that there is absolutely NO WAY that what is to come can be better than, or even EQUAL to what I had before. Example: when i graduated high school. HA. i really thought that there's no way college could be better. but yet, i was proved wrong. then leaving on my misson. I already had everything so good, like so good- how could a mission be good too? then leaving the MTC to the philippines... i got SO comfortable there.

I figured out in myself that i like to be comfortable. and i like to get comfortable FAST. But NOTHING here on the mission is comfortable, and i had to realize and relearn that again this week.

BUT.

My new companion is SO AWESOME. Sister Obnias. She honeslty is SO great. I love her so much. I LOVE HER. She is so bold and fearless. She wants to work hard and is honestly becoming my best friend. I love her! She is from central philippines and is just so sweet. 

As I sat in that transfer meeting (which got delayed 3 hours because of a late plane into Tuegegeroa, so all us missionaries just chilled and hung out, in anxiety of course haha), i felt so so sick. I did NOT want sister acoba to leave me, i did NOT want a new companion. What if she's disobedient, what if she's lazy, what if she doesn't want to work, what if she doesnt think i am funny, blah blah blah.  But I decided right then, that I would only look for the good in her. And that i would LOVE her and just AH! I would just be ME and love HER. I realized that if I look for bad, I will find it. If I look for good, I will find that too. Its just like the church- if you look for ways to prove it wrong, you'll find them. if you look for ways to prove it right, you'll find those too.

Anyway.  it's been so great with Sister Obi. She honestly has so many qualities I want in myself and that by being her companion, I know I can develop. I love everything I am learning from the people here on my mission. I am honestly SO SO blessed, I can't even take it. I honestly question Heavenly Father all the time why he is blessing me so much when I really know I don't deserve it.

Anyway, so this week has rocked. We have been OYM-ing (open your mouth; when you just talk to random people on the street, and get their info and then hopefully they become your investigator!) like MAD WOMEN this week. It seriously has been SO fun. I am still shy and nervous and really, just prideful, but I am getting more used to it. Sister Obi is a MASTER and just does whatever she wants and talks to whoever and they love her. I am learning so much from her. I also realized how I haven't been diligent in daily language study, and getting back in that habit has been awesome.

We had a beautiful lesson with Brother Herme, a less active. Honestly, the spirit was SO THICK. I love Brother Herme.

We taught the W.O.W(word of wisdom) to a LA family. It was a miracle that the dad came in on the lesson, he always makes excuses to leave. The lesson was so awesome. I honestly didn't even have to think twice about what to say- everything i wanted to say in tagalog, just came. I was SO grateful to Heavenly Father for that experience. Ah. I almost can't even write any more about it because it was so special to me. It happened again last night at the Tiburcio home. We read Enos 1 and had a scripture study. i was able to teach what was going on without really having to pause. My thoughts were coming to me in tagalog. It was another just straight up gift and tender mercy from Heavenly Father. He's been giving me a lot of those lately, just straight up blessings for no reason. i am so blessed. SO BLESSED.

I really have not been diligent this past month in my one hour language study everyday, and now having a new companion, I really realized how limited my tagalog is and how used to Sister Acoba's vernacular I was. The best part about this gospel and about THIS LIFE, is that where ever we are, whether behind or ahead, we can always move forward. I get frustrated at times when I feel behind or lame, but then I realize, welp, I can just start from here and GO. I can't be the best at everyting right now, and I have to accept that maybe I will have to be a burden just alittle bit longer. I have never really had to rely on others like this before, being so dependant and hopeless because of the language. 

but Just like conference, DONT LOOK BACK. Just move forward. I have been using Nike's slogan in like every lesson lately; just DO it. Stop thinking about it and just do. Just start where you are and GO.

This week rocked. I love my life. Sometimes I think, " man I wish I had a little more time for myself, I wish I could sit and write this letter, or read this, or just relax, or blah blah blah" but I realize that time is going SO fast because I don't even have TIME to think about what I wish I could have or do. Does that even make sense?? Ah. 

Legit I am just so happy. There's a quote in PMG about diligence. If you are diligent, you will get the spirit. if you have the spirit, you will touch the hearts of the people. if you touch the hearts of the people you will be happy. you won't have time to be homesick or have time to worry about other things. the secret to missoinary work..... IS WORK.

I love this church. I love my life. I love the support  I have from all of you. I really am so lucky. And I really am so blessed for who knows why. I know its so cliche, but honestly I do NOT deserve the blessings and success I have been having. I need to be so much better.

God is good and Jesus Christ is the Savior. This is his restored gospel.

Love,

Sister Hafen

My hair is getting LONG yes!

Dinner at Tatay Pablos. I love this family. Me, Brother Eddison, Val, Sister Obi, Sister Shori, Nai Abuan, Sister Abuan, and Tai Pablo.

Sister Obi and I at Tatay Pablos.

Godfrey lost and had to do a punishment.

Games, of course.

To the caves.

Canoe ride to the falls / caves.

My best friend.

Sister Abbey Hafen // Week Eighteen // "I would be happy if my shoes weren't full of sand and my skin wasn't the color of my hair.‏"

We had a zone activity today in Madella- AWW so sweeet! Beach time, canoe ride to the caves, and cave exploring. My camera died but I did get some sweet pics. It was so fun to hang out with my zone before this cycle ends- I love my zone so much- seriously suuuuper sick. So the day was great except now I want to die because we just got back and its 5pm and I want to shower and I want to wear clean clothes and I want to take all our baggage and crud home and I want to sleep and the bathroom I just used was so disgusting that now I just feel bitter toward the Philippines. So let me write about everything I LOVE here, and maybe by the end of this email I will feel better :)

Anyway. This week was a weird one, and since I am so tired this email might be lame.

First things first, TRANSFERS.

Wait no!!!!!!! FIRST THINGS FIRST. WE HAD TWO BAPTISMS ON SATURDAY. Sister Norberta Abrigo, 26yrs old and Brother Godfrey Furuc, 11yrs old (part member). To start the day out as horribly as humanly possible, we headed down to the chapel mga 11AM and the font only had like 2 inches of water in it. Sweet. And the font takes almost 6 hours to fill up because of the water pressure. So we were a little nervous. We didn't know what the heck happened, because the BML told us he filled it up but we're guessing something happened. We didn't really know, but at this point it didn't matter. ALL WE NEEDED WAS TUBIG SA FONT(water in the font), ASAP. So we ran back to our apartment, grabbed buckets, came back, and started filling by disconnecting the sinks in the mens and womens bathrooms and having the water come out below. So just imagine 4 sisters in skirts just like racing bucket after bucket for like 2 hours straight. Haha. Then some brothers from the branch came and finished for us. We filled that sucker up in record time and at exactly 1:45 the font was filled. Literally, himala (a miracle). We headed to go pick up our investigator and headed back to the church. 

I was so nervous that the spirit would just be driven right out of that meeting because we had been so stressed out before, but low and behold, the Lord is mightier and more powerful than man, and the spirit was there. It was so cool to see Norberta and Godfrey enter the waters of baptism. Norberta was so nervous because she didn't know what to do, but it was great. I played a musical number on the violin and man. I can't explain how happy I was that day. Seeing them participating in the ordinance to ultimately covenant with their Father in Heaven to become like Christ is so beautiful. I couldn't even help that I was constantly smiling the entire time, and then later my cheeks were sore. From smiling.

Anyway, so back to transfers.

 .....My trainer is being transferred. We were SO caught off guard. We so thought we had another cycle together for some reason. We actually found out Friday even though the rest of the mission found out today, because President Rahlf came to us personally to tell us 4 that Sister Suay and Acoba were leaving Sister Bates and me. Us 4 have become so close and the fact that we won't be together is so weird. But I'm ready for whatever is about to come. So I am staying in the area and will lead the area starting Wednesday. Bleh! I am very nervous but I am excited at the same time I guess. These past few days have been super crazy, and we haven't had NEARLY as many lessons as normal, but we have had some super powerful lessons and powerful moments with the people here.

One man I want to introduce you to is Pablo. I want to tell you all the details, but again, I am so tired. It's like that feeling when you pull the speed boat off Lake Mead after the week is over, and you literally are so hot and tired, but then when you get to the top of the ramp, you think you're home free, but no no no, not yet! You have to get out and wipe down the dang Cobalt! Hahahah. Please tell me family that you understand what feeling I'm trying to explain right now.

Anyway, Pablo. The short version. He is maybe 50 years old. And is so converted to the gospel, wants to be baptized so bad, but literally, they have NO money to pay the city to marry him and his wife officially and pay for the certificate. They have a little 1 year old girl and they have been living together for like 3 years I think. He has never missed a sunday since he started taking the lessons in 2011. He got a different job when he learned about the Sabbath Day and the importance of sacrament meeting. We have been teaching him Lesson 3, the gospel of jesus christ, the past few visits. This week was the principle of baptism. We have been praying for him and what we can do. We wanted to extend a "goal baptismal date", something that him and his wife could work for. We prayed so hard all week, and HAVE been praying for him every day since august. This week we even waited a few extra days to see him so we could be more prepared. We went to the lesson, and taught. He's so great and of course is so participative and active in every lesson. We finished our discussion and it came to the point of extending his invitation. My companion was planning on doing it, but when there was a silent break for the commitment invitation, she just looked at me. I was so nervous that I wouldn't be able to express our thoughts and feelings for what we wanted for him clearly in tagalog. I then just said a quick prayer, looked at Pablo right in the eyes, and said it all in english. Explained what we'd been thinking and then told him we wanted to think of a date. He understood everything I said. He looked at us with watery eyes and he then explained that literally, they are just waiting for a miracle. It's impossible for them to get the money to do the needed steps to get married and take care of the annulization (like, divorce) of his first wife. He explained how he just reads the book of mormon every day, prays and never misses a sunday. He is so commited to his family. He then shared such a spiritual experience he had with his baby, when she was sick. Honestly, it was so sacred and the spirit was thick in that room. I cannot explain everything he said to us, but I know that Heavenly Father is so aware of those that are committed to NEVER GIVING UP. 

..This man is the ultimate example to me of FAITH and HOPE. Hope in Tagalog is Pagasa. When he spoke and used that word over and over, it just hit me so hard that honestly, HE HAS HOPE. He knows that the miracle will come. He knows that one day, they will get the money, but it won't just come one month when he gets his pay check- They really do need a miracle. He expressed that he is so grateful that as missionaries, we still come by every week, even though he can't get baptized any time soon. Just as the greatest institute teacher, Brother Case always used to say, "if you NEVER give up, if you NEVER EVER 'throw in the towel' and call it quits, there is NO way you can't make it to the celestial kingdom; there's just no way."

I have been very humbled. I can't even say that sentence enough times, with enough meaning, loud enough, or anything to fully explain what I mean. The Lord is so aware of the exact things I need to learn, the exact things that I avoid purposefully and have always avoided, the exact habits I have that need to go away, and he is basically handing me sticky notes daily with lists of things I need to change. I feel so overwhelmed at times because I am not yet the missionary or the daughter I know I want to be, and need to be for the Lord. But who I am to think I can come to a new country as a 19 year old girl, and all of a sudden be the perfect missionary? I can only do my best. But I have to do my best every day, until my best becomes who I am. 

This week has been the weirdest week of my life I feel like, and I just know that many more are to come. Honestly. I'm so tired and I am just going to finish this email here. I want to go back and re read what I typed but I am too tired. 

Goodbye for now! 

With so much love from this country I love,

Sister Hafen

HEEL CLICK!

YEAH!

Sister Abbey Hafen // Week Seventeen // "ignorance is not bliss, it's just kind of embarrassing!‏"

okay so like every little thing that return missionaries said after their missions to me, have pretty much come true. it's the funniest thing to me. ignorance is not bliss, its just embarrassing :) haha.

here's one small example: RM's talk about how much you will love conference on the mish. i thought, yeah, of course i will, but like, i love conference anyway, so yeah. 

..........ummm, i could barely even contain myself to shower and get ready saturday and sunday because i was SO excited for conference! haha, it was the BEST two days of my life. I honestly was loving my life so much. i can't even explain to you!! there was so much about missionary work, i was dying inside. i could send home this huge email just telling all of you to listen and get involved right now, but all I want to say is that honestly, this is the best work there is out there. Like Joseph Smith said, after everything is said and done, and most important responsibility we have as members is missionary work. Honestly, i can't EVEN tell you what a difference it makes when a member is present in a lesson. It gives so much validity to what we are saying as young sisters in the mission field. It is so nice when the YW presidency visits a young sister who has gone inactive, when a home teacher brings his less active hometeaching family to an activity, etc. I cannot even tell you how beautiful it is when the members are on board.

... and I cannot even tell you what a struggle I have been gong through as I have realized this. I realized how I completely didn't get this as a member before my mission. I said last week that I honestly was converted to the WRONG part of the gospel. I have been struggling out here because I never once did my visiting teaching up at the U. not once for those two semesters. There was always an excuse or something that I came up with to excuse myself. And now I am here, pleading to Heavenly Father to get the members to do their part, because the less actives just need a friend. And I visit less actives and tell them they need to do this and that, but who am I to tell them that? I didn't even do it. 

But, as President Uchtdorf said I think, this gospel, the organization of the church, is for nourishing, trying to do good, and to come and join as we ALL grow in faith and hope. Even as a missionary. I realize that again, as they said in conference, I can only look ahead and not backwards. I can't run over Salt Lake and go visit all those girls and catch up, it's said and done! I can only look forward and ask for forgiveness. I can only start where I'm at, and go up from here.

So this week was wild. We went to the hospital for my roommate, S. Suay and ever since she's just been throwing up and dizzy and man. There is something wrong. It's been a crazy week, but she's hangin' in there. I will admit, that Sister Acoba and I were loving every minute at the hospital; its dangerous to allow deprived sister missionaries who were formerly nurses (sister acoba is an RN) CNA's. We were having the time of our lives just walking around and asking the nurses questions, etc. Haha, and just the FEEL of a hospital/health care enviroment was so fun. Hahaha. 

For the 12 week training program, this was the week I was supposed to lead. Lead all teaching and planning, and just everything. I was so nervous last monday morning, like I honestly wanted to barf. but the week went great. It really made me realize how much my trainer does for me everyday and how many responsibilities she has. All the foreigner missonaries in the entire mission had to go to the mission home to get fingerprinted, so all the missionaries from our zone went together. so many of them this is their first cycle, so I led. got us on the buses, tricees, and zipped us around the philippines for the morning. it was so nerveracking, but so fun too. After this whole week of me leading,  we evaluated last night and my trainer told me things i need to improve on and things I did well. This entire time, she really has been training me so that when I finish my training I will be ready to train. She really is the best, I love my trainer so much. 

This week we had a 3rd companion for a day, and she is from Figi and this is her first cycle here. Since I was leading this week, I had to include her in all the lessons, fill her in on what was going on, etc. It was such a blessing to work with her because it reminded me of two things: 1. I really have improved SO MUCH since I first got here. OH my heck, I was so grateful to see her teach and know that that is where I used to be and that I really have improved in the language and teaching; its hard to see your own progress when you do the same things every day. 2. Simple testimony of truth invites the spirit. The spirit testifies of truth.

General conference really was the greatest thing ever. I was obsessed and just loving life. Saturday, we lost conncection for video display, so for like an hour we just saw a big blue screen with the audio. but like, it didn't even matter. i was still loving life and loving conference. Us four sisters acoba, suay, bates, and myself each drew from a hat and split up the general authorities and presidency. we decided to focus on them, pray for them, and then tonight, we will have a little S.H.E. (sister home evening) and share what we loved and learned. It was such a good idea from Sister Bates! I am so excited.

some randoms from the week:

-a little boy spit on me. yep. little weasel!

-he also peed on my shoes on the front porch. thanks bro.

-i played violin for the zone meeting with my companion accompanying me. i will miss that when we aren't companions anymore...

-there was a cobra in our house, sweet.

-nai mesa (nai is the word for older woman, like mother, and you call everyone Nai here.) asked us last week what all of our favorite foods were, and then this friday for our dinner appointment, she cooked them all. it was thebest day of our lives.

-another baugio warning- we prepped on food and water but it didn't hit us too bad. just super down pour in our area. we had to stay at nai mesa's for like 2.5 hours before we could walk home. it was madness.

This week was really crazy and I really am leaving out so many details, but just know that I am so happy. Just know that even though sometimes, i legit ask the question if this whole thing is really worth it, why the heck did i come, will i ever be enough, where is my MOM, what in world is going on, why can't i be flawless, what is wrong with me, what is her problem, and the worst question of all, where are you heavenly father?

But. The best thing is that every week when I come to write, everything that was in disarray always comes back together. Everything gets solved and as I sit down to write my email, I just think what that 105 year old man thought from conference: Heavenly Father has been so good to me. 

I think it's normal to question who you are when you are on a mission (if not, crap, cause i have asked that question a lot). I honestly find myself thinking in my head, alright- with this situation, who am i going to be? i think about all these different options or different things i could try, i think of different people i could act like, etc. But every single time, I end up just acting like myself. I just think, what the heck. All I can do is be Abbey, so just be Abbey.

... and let me tell you. That is ALWAYS the right decision. And I can't change ABBEY. I can only make the Abbey I am now, into the best Abbey Hafen there ever was. The best Abbey Hafen that I can be. I can change my character and become more like my Savior, and honestly become that person I have always wanted, but I will always be Abbey. And as I hold on to that here, in this 3rd world country across the GLOBE, where honestly the LAST person I want to be is a white american with curly red hair, I feel comfort. Last night we taught a less active family, and I just really felt like myself. I explained principles and asked questions to make them think. The spirit was so strong and the lesson went so well. After that lesson, we went and just prayed with a family with a bunch of little kids. As we knelt down on the floor or their tiny little house, the rice and food on the knee length table a few feet away, we knelt to pray. And as s. acoba and i joked with the little kids, we were laughing so hard. i couldn't even contain myself to pray and for a minute there, i realized how truly and honestly happy I am. I am not perfect in the language. But I have been blessed with understanding. I am not the perfect missionary, but I know how to improve. 

This is the best decision I've ever made. During conference, when they prayed for the full time missionaries every single prayer, i honestly felt that strength. thank you for praying for me because i really do think that is where my random boosts of energy and happiness come from. This is the hardest thing I have ever done and honestly its so funny how every little thing return missoinaries said to me, are coming true. Ignorance is not bliss, it really is just embarassing. But i've never been so grateful to be embarassed and laugh at myself, because the things I am learning from it are so important.

Love,

Sister Abbey Hafen 

I love Alicia! (the area I'm in)

3 some for a day!

Sister Abbey Hafen // Week Sixteen // "What the flame, it's October"

So to begin the recap of this last week, we had a brownout at 2AM. no power. (haha, usually referred to a 'blackout' but they say brown out here) Remember those times that the AC wouldn't work in our house in the summer, or at night, and we thought it was the worst thing ever?

... that would have been HEAVEN compared to what I experienced Monday night. Oh my gosh. This was the title of my journal entry Tuesday Morning- "Last night was the worst night of my life."

Some may think I am being dramatic, but I honestly thought that was the end- I had made it almost four months here on the mission, but that the end was coming. I was going to die. Goodbye Philippines, goodbye Family, goodbye everything here on planet earth. The end was very near. Haha, DRAMA (thats what people say here if you are being dramatic. they say "ahh drama ka!" Really though, I have honestly NEVER sweat that much in my entire life. But all is well, I am still alive. :) 

This week was so great I can't even explain. Every day was so awesome. I honestly am so happy here. I love my investigators. I love my companion. I love my roommates. I love my mission president and his wife. And I love being in the Philippines. I love wearing a skirt and chacos every day. I love letting my hair air dry and dabbing on mascara. I love studying and I love improving on the language. I love that I am learning so much and that I am becoming so much more familiar with My Savior and His Atonement. 

We have been teaching a lot about the Sabbath Day this week. One thing that we studied in CS (comp study) is what the benefits are of attending church. Of course we should attend because it is a commandment, but God is so loving that he gives us bonuses too- blessings. In all reality, we should just go because it’s a commandment and we need to obey God's commandments. But he blesses us because he loves us. Some of the benefits we studied and talked about was receiving revelation at church. I had a lot of time to reflect on all the times I received answers to my prayers when I attended church. At times I felt like why the crap do I need to go to church, "I’m already good." (ew I hate that i thought that). But this week i realized how often my answers to prayers come through PEOPLE.

.. Heavenly Father knows that so often, I block out the spirit. I question the spirit, I wonder if that's really the spirit, blah blah. He knows that I am still learning to rely on the spirit and learn how it speaks to me. But. Heavenly Father KNOWS that if he puts a PERSON in my life, that I will listen every time. He knows that if I'm waiting for an answer, he can answer me through a person. I honestly have a testimony of that, and it's being proven here on the mission. I have been so blessed with the people put in my life, answering questions to my prayers left and right. 

One thing I have noticed this week is how much the people here love the missionaries. Even the less actives who haven’t been in months, or years. At first they seem a little offish when we first visit, but after a visit or two, or even sometimes the first time we show up, when they say the prayer they go on and on about how grateful they are that the missionaries decided to come visit THEM at THEIR home. It is so cool. It's been hard for me to recognize the weight of my calling as a missionary because really, who am I to bring people unto Salvation? I am a 19 year old girl who has never left the US, grew up in Santa Clara Utah, have never known very much about the gospel, I didn't grow up speaking this language, I have a hard time yielding to the spirit, and I don't know all the answers. But. it's so crazy how the spirit works and how it works in the hearts of people. It really is true that the language of the spirit is for everyone- all languages and countries, cultures and nationalities. Gah. it's just been so humbling hearing people thank us over and over and being so grateful that we visit. 

It's been kind of sad lately because Sister Acoba and I are pretty sure we will not be companions after this cycle. We have been having such a good time together, and honestly, I love her so much. She is so Christ-like and I have learned so much from her- but still have sooo much to learn. We have 2 weeks left, Transfer Meeting is the 23rd. I told her I was nervous to have another companion, and ah. I just really have come to love her so much. 

There have been so many lessons this week that I lead, that I was nervous for, or that the person we were going to teach was hard-hearted, or whatever the dumb excuse in my brain was, that ended up so beautiful. I really do not understand how and why I doubt the spirit. We were teaching one lady, and it really just felt like the most awkward lesson. I wanted to die and I just felt so insecure. I was praying so hard for the spirit and then I thought of a question. I asked how can we come closer to Christ. She paused and i thought great. She's not going to answer. She then expounded and really gave a beautiful insight and the spirit was there. It ended up being a really beautiful lesson. I honestly am so grateful for the spirit. I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THE SPIRIT. I need it so badly, especially with the language, especially with my lame doubtful self.... I really am so grateful for the spirit. 

Another family we teach, the mom doesn’t come to church because of an issue with her calling. At first when we visited, she literally wouldn't look at us. it was pretty much the worst feeling in the world. talking to someone and they are staring at the side wall. Anyway, as we have continued visiting, she has really softened up. This last week, she was talking so much of the time and honestly her heart is changing. It's so incredible to see how people change when they start doing the small things in their life and begin to get back in the groove of gospel habits. Ah. So beautiful!

There was a baptism on Saturday for someone in our zone, and the water shut off that morning. Sooo.. no water for the font. We went to a river and it was so cool. "baptism sa ilog" (baptism in the river). How cool it was. Ah. Neat experience for sure.

Man. Things are great. I am nervous for the upcoming cycles, but i realize that I do much better when i just live one day at a time. I pray and dedicate myself fully to ONE day at a time. When I hit the sack each night, I wonder how in the world i will be able to get up the next morning. And then when the alarm goes off at 6:30, I wonder how in the world I will be able to make it through the whole day. But it's crazy- it just happens and its the best thing ever. 

....Sometimes I have these internal battles, as I'm pretty sure every missionary does. I mean, I had these battles before the mission, but it was easy to brush them off and keep doing whatever I wanted, no one was relying on me and I had everything i needed. Sometimes I think what the crap, why did I come on a mission. Did I come out on a mission for the right reasons? Do I really know that this church is true? What if I learn something that shakes my testimony? Yeah, I've thought all of that crap over the past 3 or so months. And i have learned so many of my weaknesses. I have learned that before the mission, sadly I think I was only converted to the organization of the church, the programs, etc. And now that i am here, I realize those are all just things. Really great things, but just things. they are NOT the root of the gospel. The root of the gospel is our Savior Jesus Christ, and the power of His atonement to help us and to save us. The root of the gospel is that we have a loving heavenly father, who restored his gospel so that we may have pure doctrine to learn from and apply to our lives here on the earth, so that we may return to Him. The root of this gospel is theBook of Mormon and its testament of Jesus Christ. The root is NOT the young women program. or wonderful fast and testimony meetings. youth conference or institute classes. or any of that. Those are just incredible BLESSINGS that can HELP us understand and gain a testimony of the ROOT of the gospel. 

The root is much bigger, much deeper, and so much more important. I am learning so much out here and am SO grateful for this opportunity <----- that sentence sounds SO cliché, and I am kind of barfing that is sounds so corny but really, I mean it. I am so happy that Heavenly Father trusted me and let me come. I know I should have prepared so much more and sometimes I kick myself for that. But guess what, there’s nothing I can do about that. All I can do, is start where I'm at. Which may be a lot lower than other missionaries. But that’s the only place I can start. I know I can be a good missionary, and I know that who the Lord calls he qualifies. But I also know that if you didn't put in the work before, you can't expect the talent now. I've been able to relate a lot of things to my violin study. I wasn't able to develop that talent by deciding one day to attend music camp for a week. I practiced every day. EVERY DAY. And i sounded really bad for a long time. I cried a lot. I felt stupid a lot. I yelled at my mom and I swore sometimes under my breath. I would sleep on the couch while my mom was out exercising and then when she came in the garage I'd jump up and play some scales. Adults would tell me that wow, i had a gift even when I was little. I had good and bad performances as a little girl, some so bad that I even ran off the stage crying one time, and another time completely forgot the piece and only played the last line in an audition just 2 years ago. But, other times I NAILED the performance. Other times I won awards and took first place. Some occasions, I beat everyone else and even was able to pay for all my schooling because of my talent. Some performances, gospel truths were testified to me and I the spirit work through me. Sometimes people wrote me letters thanking me and other times I brought myself out of deep personal struggles by playing and letting everything out through music. 

All of that TOOK TIME. I put in the work and the reaped the rewards. i worked hard. I had good days and bad days. But now, because of the work I have put in, I can play whenever someone asks me. I can let the spirit flow through me more easily because I don't have to worry about the logistics. I can just relax and PLAY. 

... this is all the same as missionary work.  It will get to a point that I can completely relax and teach. i won't have to worry about the language. But along the way, I'm going to have some of those "run off the stage crying" performances. But still as an amateur, I will have success. 

Honestly, I can't believe the blessings I receive her. I know this email is so long and barf, I hope you all aren't dead on the other side, or are banging your head against the computer screen thinking I haven't learned to shut up yet. I am sorry. But just know that i am happy. I am learning. And I love being here. It's hard of course, I won't say every second of every day is just great, but I can say that every moment here is worth it.

With so much love,

Sister Abbey Hafen

ps- I haven't really said much about the language, because in all reality, I just don't want to jynx it. Haha. Is that so horrible? So again, I will go another week without saying anything about the language. :)

pps- I love making people laugh. don't worry, I am still funny over here in the philps.

ppps-sometimes I cry laughing so hard at the district clips (you RM's who watched these know what I am talking about. some key words: German, "yeah, he uh.. broke it.", etc.)

pppppppps- we came to Cauauyan last night at midnight because my roommate sis suay threw up 30 +times in a row ( I was keeping a running total until it really wasn't that funny anymore) and got back to our apartment at 3am. She stayed overnight and we are here again visiting her. all is well, she'll get released tomorrow.

The hospital suite! wtf

The hospital suite! wtf

The hospital suite! wtf

BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!

Hospital Yo

Yeah, no make-up.

hahaha

Hospital Yo.

Hospital Yo.

 The NINE Alicia sisters. Grabe. Our weekly saturday dinner appointment at the Abuan home.

Thank you Elders.

This is legit how families travel. I am obsessed. This will be my future family, I promise you.

Baptism Sa Ilog.

Off to the river for the baptism!

Happy Birthday to my favey!

Hahah as I was washing off I really had to pee.

Yeah sweet, I stepped in caribou crap. Best day EVER!

Suay!

Happy Birthday at Nai Mesa's house.

Sister Policarpio- the greatest lady in the world.

Sick sky.

My model companion. 

Girl Scouts!

Boy Scouts of the Philippines!

Happy Birthday Sister Suay!

HA. An AMERICAN. RM actually, visiting his old areas. Williams from Nevada. Served in 99 I think.