Sister Abbey Hafen // Week Twenty-Three // "Do you believe in mermaid?"

Hahah, I didn't explain why the title is what it is. One night, right before we fall asleep, the lights are off and we are just laying in bed, and sister obnias says, "sister hafen, do you believe in mermaid?"  Hahaha, I was dying inside, it was so funny. I love filipinos.



This week rocked, as usual. Definitely full of ups and downs, but if it wasn't, I guess it'd get pretty boring right? 

Really though, this week was AWESOME. 

We had a community service project (CSP) and just did what we always do, yard clean up. I don't know why, but I always really enjoy doing yard clean up. Maybe it's cause we get to wear pday clothes, or maybe its because I never did yard work before my mission. Cause in our fam, the girls worked inside, and the boys worked outside. The boys worked inside too, so I guess the boys just got jipped. Haha. 

We contacted a lot of less actives this week that we had never met before. It's so interesting to talk to them, and see why they went less active, or what exactly they will or won't open up about. We met the family of one YSA boy, who is active now but his family still isn't. Honestly, their family is SO cool and it was so fun to get to know them. I'm realizing that the longer I'm here, the more I am understanding. The more I am getting to become close with the people, because I actually have an idea of what is going on. I can actually participate in the conversation. I can actually be a person, and get to know people. 

Our investigator, Pablo, shared Jacob 2:18-19 with us at our dinner appointment with him.

 18 But ^abefore ye seek for ^briches, seek ye for the ^ckingdom of God.

 19 And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to ^ado good—to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted.

 It was such a cool discussion, and he just explained that the important things are the things of the kingdom of God. Our family. The things we learn and the ways we can help each other. I shared that in our house, we have a sign that says "The Most Important Things in Life Aren't Things." It's sooo true. I have see that here in the Philippines more than any time in my life. 

Ahhh... the Visperas Family. I honestly love them so much. Sister Acoba and I taught their son, Marieto, 13 who isn't baptized yet, but then he didn't want to be taught anymore. He's really really shy and because he can't read very well, he was embarrassed. We decided that we just have to work with the family first, and they'll come around. Their family honestly has made a 360 turn around.  They have come to church 3 times in a row, as a family. The 2 sons who aren't members yet, Marieto and RJ (13 and 19) accompanied their family and all came to our 1) branch family home evening. 2) Elena, Michael, Marieto, and RJ came to the YSA/youth activity bowling. and 3) marieto and RJ came with their fam to 3 hours of church service and later tonight we have a family home evening with them. They are reading the book of mormon and praying every day. But the hardest part is, so many trials are still pounding at them. BUT. They really are learning how to be self reliant and learning how to rely on each other, prayer, and reading and asking questions to each other.

The Branch Family Home Evening was so awesome. It started out as the worst moments of my life, because we get there, and of course every one is on Filipino time, so at 6 there are like 4 people there. And then by 6:45, there were 10. No branch president, no leaders, no one except us missionaries and the people we brought. I honestly was fuming inside, but kept it cool. Then the Branch president shows up and says we are putting on the family home evening, right? Ah, okay sweet yep we will. Hahaha. Sister Obnias is the best ever and we whipped together the greatest program ever, in about 8 minutes. We ran back to our apartment, grabbed the things we needed, and began. We gave this awesome object lesson, and then played games. It seriously was one of the FUNNEST nights of my life here in the mission. I was doubting so much inside at the beginning, and honestly "wala akong pananampalataya" (i had no faith). But sister obnias knew this night would be good, so we just chugged along, and it ended up being awesome. 4 of our investigators attended, and several less active families we invited. Holller for a great night- holler!

We got to attend the Youth/YSA activity of bowling because we had 2 investigators come, Marieto and RJ. It was so fun, and honestly, I was so suprised when I saw the bowling center! The bowling balls were the size of a small cantelope. Like maybe 6 inches wide? Haha! I was dying inside, but it was still fun anyway. And of course, filipinos are so nice, and don't want anyone to not be included, so instead of going one by one and bowling two turns while every else waits, we all just bowled one right after another, as a team! hahahaha i was seriously dying inside, and just was having the time of my life. I love filipinos and I love that I love their culture. I love it. After, we went to MacDo (mcdonalds. for once, grace is right on the pronunciation of MACdonalds..) and had coke floats (there;s no root beer floats here, only coke) and fries and chicken sandwiches. Then we walked around the "mall" and just had so much fun. Our investigators and the Visperas fam had a great time. It was MariElena's FIRST TIME on an escalator. It took her like 5 minutes to get the courage to step on it!! It was soo funny. These kids hardly ever get out of their little neighborhoods, let alone Alicia, let alone to a city where there are McDonalds and malls. This day was SO fun, and the branch president came too, and he had a blast with all the youth and SA. 

I love that as I am getting better at the language, I can actually have somewhat meaningful relationships with people here. It's so fun to walk into the church, or down the street, and hear people yell "Sister Hapen!!!!" and come running up to me. I love that I can actually start to understand what people are going through and I can follow and be IN the conversation. 

This week rocked. I love my life. It's so hard and I really really had a hard day yesterday. The atonement is very real, Heavenly Father is very aware of what I need. My companion is my best friend. I know this is the true church, I know that I have been so blessed, and I know that my duty after my mission is to stay strong in the gospel and continue to do missionary work. I know what I need to improve on now, and what I definitely have to be better at when I return home. I am so grateful I am here. Every day is hard. Every day is awesome. Every day I get to study the scriptures and learn new things.

Happy Thanksgiving :) and Merry Christmas in ONE MONTH!!! Ahh!! I am almost at my 6 month mark... what in the WORLD..

Love,

Sister Hafen

Haha, asipag si Sister Jessa! (Jessa is hardworking) daughter of our recent convert.

Sister Bates,  Sister Obnias, Sister Palomo! They were obsessed with their presents!!!!

The entrance to San Roque.

#chacosalldayerrday

Sister Palomo, Sister Bates, Sister Obnias, me, Brother Abuan, Asawa Ni Eileen.

Sister Bates. CSP (community service project) at Sister Eileen Cagnayo & her new husbands place.

Me and Sister Palomo. CSP (community service project) at Sister Eileen cCagnayo & her new husbands place.

These high school kids interviewed us for the religion assignment. it was so cool. we basically taught the lesson of the restoration to them. Such a cool experience!!!!

Sister Abbey Hafen // Week Twenty-Two // "Oh Blessed Sunday"

Man. This week ROCKED. I can't believe how FAST pdays come around.. but then some days I swear it should be coming up on 7pm and I look at my watch and its 2. So yeah, time is the weirdest thing ever. I hate it actually.

So first off, thank you SO much for worrying about me but more importantly praying for the people here in the Philippines. I honestly can't think about it too much because my heart aches so bad. I can't believe how serious it was. Here is an update from our mission president: 

Elders and Sisters,

As many of you have asked, I wanted to inform all of you of the circumstances surrounding the Super Typhoon affecting the Tacloban Mission.  Here are some of the facts that you should know:

- All of the Missionaries have been found and are safe and accounted for.  As far as we know, all of the families of the missionaries serving in the Cauayan Mission who are from that area are safe, although many have lost their homes and belongings.

- The Tacloban Mission has been closed.  All of the missionaries have been evacuated to Manila and treated for wounds and illnessed caused by the typhoon.

- All of the missionaries from the Tacloban Mission have been reassigned to 11 of the 21 other Missions in the Philippines.  To make room for all of the reassignments, many missionaries who were in the 11 Missions that took in Missionaries who were going home in the next two months have been asked to go home early, and are now home or on their way home.

-  The Cauayan Mission was not asked to receive any of the reassigned missionaries from the Tacloban Mission, I assume because of distance and the fact that those missionaries spoke Cebuano, not Tagalog.

-  The Tacloban Mission home was flooded and damaged during the typhoon and storm surge but will now be quickly cleaned, repaired, and used for a command center for disaster relief operations for the members and communities in the mission.

-  A total of 43 Church buildings were damaged by the storm in that area, 12 with major damage and 31 with minor damage.

-  Seven trucks with supplies for members have reached stakes and districts in the Tacloban area. Tens of Thousands of food boxes and hygiene kits have been prepared by church members and and sent to those effected. 

So we are super blessed here in our mission, we have just had rain every day and it's been cold (haha, cold. more like st. george october weather, but i love it so much).

So besides the fact that the country I love so much has been washed out, this week rocked. We had splits with the sister training leaders, and I have to say that splits really are inspired by the Lord. It's SO good to see how other people teach, how other people interact, and the best part was I got to split with Sister Stabenow, who is American. I was able to see an American... be a misisonary in the Philippines. I was able to see where I can be if I keep doing the things I am doing. It was such a good experience and I learned SO much. she said all the right things to me and literally, I recieved a lot of answers to my prayers. 

Our branch is growing closer and this week rocked. We had some FHE's with some less active families, accompanied by the branch pres and wife, relief pres, EQ pres, and other auxiliary leaders.  FHE's are SO fun and don't worry..nothing's changed- I still LOVE making people laugh :) I am getting way better at teaching and explaining myself in tagalog, I understand people a lot more, and of course everyone here in the Philippines is so nice, and they all tell me how good I am in tagalog and how they literally can't believe I have only been here less than 4 months. I know that I am not that good, because some days I feel like I woke up in russia and everyone's speaking russian, not tagalog. Kinda like what happened Saturday. 

... aka worst day ever. Haha, really though. I wasn't understanding ANY one it seemed like. No, it didn't just SEEM like that; I literally was lost all day. I couldn't understand anyone, no words were coming to my brain, and I literally felt so alone. I felt like a tag-a-long all day, and then I began to just feel a little angry inside. By the end of the day, I was thinking about how much I wish I was somewhere else, why in the WORLD did Heavenly Father think I was needed here, and what a waste this was. I went to bed saturday night and was just PRAYING to be forgiven of this day and to have my heart changed. Sunday I woke up, and remembered, sweet. Today is the 3rd sunday and the missionaries are to speak. Awesome. It's my turn and i haven't prepared. So I go to church, just thinking, alright I wasn't called here to fail or ruin everything, so i just tried to embrace it. I am playing violin for the primary program, and the little kids are just loving me while we practice first hour of the block, and i hear them singing the words I am a Child of God, and I felt so comforted. Answer to prayer. Then, we go to gospel principles, and we are talking about prophets. The teacher asked me if I've ever had a testifying experience of living day prophets; ha, have I ever! Me being a mission! So I explained that I was there when the announcement was made I was at the conference center. I knew that he was saying the words the Lord instructed him to say. I bore testimony of my calling here as a missionary and that I left behind a lot of things but that from being here, so many of my unanswered prayers that i've had for years, are being answered. The spirit confirmed that I am in the right place right now. Answer to prayer. I then was asked to explain the importance of goal setting to the youth during their lesson. I explained that as missionaries how we make so many goals for people, ourselves, and for the language. I explained that even though my grammar isn't perfect, I just have to speak the language. After i talked to them, i realized that i really sound just fine in the language, and that my goal setting really has been working. Answer to prayer. I then spoke in sacrament about testimony and the 5 parts to a testimony. 1Heavenly Father. 2Jesus Christ is the Savior. 3Joseph Smith restored this gospel and translated the BOM. 4We have a living prophet. 5and this is the true church. I explained that for me, I gained my testimony through church attendance. I wasn't a convert, so I didn't have that experience of learning everything new, it was always just kind of with me. I explained that this Saturday was such a hard day for me and that I couldn't understand anyone. I felt so useless. But as I prayerfully prepared for Sunday and the sacrament, all of my prayers were answered. 

Personal Revelation comes through church attendance. That is truth. It also comes through prayer, and through reading the Book of Mormon. I explained that Heavenly Father knows that because we are kind of doubtful people, he had to give us more than one way to gain a testimony and recieve answers to prayers. He gave us the book of mormon, prayer, and our church meetings. 

This sunday was very sacred for me. We have taken the advice from Elder Neilson about less active work; he said, "stop asking them to come to church, and start telling them you want to re teach them all the missionary lessons. why would they want to come to a church they don't even have a testimony in anymore?" It has been sooo effective.

I saw so many of our less actives pondering during the sacrament as I was sitting on the stand, in particular, one boy Michael. He has a burning desire to serve a mission, he's 22, and him and his family of 11 are just returning to church. We have been working with them since I first got here, and missionaries before then too, for years. We have guided them in seeing the fire of the book of mormon. Their family is changing. During the sacrament, I saw brother michael praying so sincerely. I honestly just began to tear up. I looked around and saw all the people i have come to know, visited, helped, cried with, loved, prayed for, everything. I saw them all with such potential. As i took the sacrament, I really was forgiven for what happened the day before. I was "turning inward" instead of "turning outward like Christ" as Elder Bednar says in his talk about Christ. 

This is the true church. I love my life right now, and the Lord really does give me strength every day. I skimmed through my journal this morning and I think every journal entry that I wrote in the morning said "Honestly, I don'tknow if I can make it through the day today. I know I said that yesterday and I made it, but today I am so exhausted." Hahahah. 

With so much love,

Sister Abbey Hafen

Hahaha, at our zone meeting.

I LOVE HER. Me and S. Obnias!

Me and S. Obnias!

Sister Abbey Hafen // Week Twenty-One // "I am safe, don't worry"

Wow. This week was AWESOME. 

first things first, This is what my mission president sent us this morning:

We wanted to update you on the situation that has happened as a result of the Super Typhoon that hit the central Philippines on Friday.  All missionaries and members of all of the Philippines Missions with the exception of the Tacloban Mission are safe and accounted for.  All but 75 of the missionaries in Tacloban are safe and accounted for.  The remaining 75 missionaries in Tacloban are presumed safe also, but communications are still cut off and roads impassible, so we have not heard from all of them yet.  

As a result of this disaster, Sister Rahlf and I would like to call a mission prayer.  Today, Monday evening at 10:00 pm as we all get ready for bed, lets us all kneel together at the same time, 10:00pm and offer a prayer for the missionaries and families hit by this storm.

We love you.   The God of Israel leads this Mission.

President and Sister Rahlf

To start the week off, our housemates had splits, so sister stabenaw, sister training leader, slept over for splits. She is so sweet. She's from Utah, went to Davis I think. It was SO fun staying up just being girls and having a good time. She's been out for like 8 months I think, and she is such a good example. We shared stories and it was so fun. 

Wednesday, we were panted (you go to teach and no one is there) like crazy. As in, like in 30 minutes we had contacted all 8 people we planned for and all their back up plans. and no one was home. It's so different here in the Philippines, because you can't really like "schedule" exact times because peopl or like zip on over in a car or bike to see someone, like you have to tricee, van, bus or walk forever to get to someone's area, and then if they aren't there, its better to hang around and wait to see if they come back, and bleh. I have really learned to BE PATIENT. And the lifestyle here is so different too, so its not like they don't want to hear you if they aren't home when you come, its just that like, they need money for their family that night, so they have to travel by jeepney to go pick up their money from the job on the random. Definitely not the scheduling like I am used to, but hey, i love being a filipino.

Anyway, so PANTED PANTED PO KAMI (no one was home for us). We taught 2 of our investigators, and then headed back to the barangay where we live, San Antonio. We went to everyone we planned for there, and their back up plans, AND NO ONE. And it was only 6PM. And no one wants to be tracted at 6pm while they are cooking. And cooking isn't like how mom cooks, with the TV going and one ear to the phone- cooking here is a family affair- someone is tending the fire while someone else is pumping water from the water pump out back. So we sat there, just thinking man. We are so tired and there is no one left. We paused, and then I remembered, hey. What about that one guy I talked to and got his information on the tricee last pday? Danny? we knew he lived super close to us, so we thought we'd give it a try. We walked back behind this little store and entered this dark little alley, but then we saw lots of kids. I asked them if they knew Danny and they kind of pointed but said the didn't know. Then this lady saw us walking around their compound and stared right at me. I smiled and said "kilala nyo ba si danny leanyo?" (do you know DAnny?) she looked right at me and said "bakit" (why) Haha. slightly awkward. Sister obi ignored that she said why and then the lady stood up, and walked us to his house. and then called out for him- it was the most random thing. Anyway. he came out, and grabbed chairs and invited us right down to sit and talk. We sat there and got talking. He then asked if we were branch 1 or 3. We said one, and then he said, oh, over by Aurora is branch 3. We paused, and sister obi said "um, how do you know that?" he paused and said "member po ako" (i am a member). Our mouths just dropped. he told us how him and 7 best friends all got baptized together in high school, and he has been inactive ever since he got married. We got talking and honestly, it was the coolest experience. His eyes teared up and then i asked him how he felt when we OYM'd him in the tricee. He said he felt happy- We talked about his experience and just talked. He wants to come back to church, and yesterday,  his daughter came to church. It was such a cool experience. He was so happy to see us and this light just clicked on inside ofhim. We are seeeing him tonight and I am so excited. His kids aren't baptized, and neither is his wife. 

Maybe it doesn't sound like that great of a story, but becuase our day was so frustrating, it was such a blessing. We were so happy inside and grateful, so we just sang hymns and i played the violin just praising our heavenly father for leading us to him and what a blessing our conversation with him was. The spirit was so special that night on Danny Leanyo's front porch, decorated with christmas decorations he said he found at the junk shop, here in the little place of Alicia, Isabela. 

Thursday, we read our assignment for zone conference- 1st nephi 11-17. Us 4 sisters got talking, and honestly I had one of the biggest testimony builders of my life. Sister Bates explained all the history behind the restoration, starting from the book of mormon, clear until the restoration. And how everything was IN PLACE for the restoration. Heavenly Father put EVERYTHING in place, down to every little detail, watching over each explorer and guiding it all by hand. as we were talking, honeslty, i just recieved such a witness again that the restoration is real and true, and Jesus Christ's gospel is BACK on the earth, in its real form. 

.. i then began to feel so overwhelmed and almost guilty. How did I have a testimony of all this before i knew all the history behind it? Satan made me feel like my testimony before this was fake and that how did I even have a testimony before I knew all this? 

Then sister bates pointed out how its ironic how my favorite verse, my mission scripture, which was IN the reading, 1st nephi 11:17- "... And i said unto Him, I know that he loveth His children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." She pointed out that even without knowing all of the unimportant history details, I still had a testimony. As we continued discussing, I continued recieving such a witness of the truthfulness of the restoration. Honestly, this is the restored gospel. i wish i could explain this experience better, but this rambled, teenage girl version will have to do. 

Zone conference was the best thing ever. Elder Neilson from the first quorum of the 70 came for his Mission Tour of the philippines cauayan mission. to start the meeting, all of us knelt and he offered a prayer to our heavenly father, to watch over and protect the people in the areas of the typhoon. He updated us during the meetings as he got texts. What a cool experience, to kneel with over 100 servants of the Lord, our mission president called of God, and a general authority of the church. It was the greatest block of meetings ever. He talked about so many wonderful things, and his wife is the greatest lady on the planet (besides my mother of course). Honestly, she talked about how the change in mission age really is helping bring up our nation- all of us girls out here will come home women. We will come home so much more anchored in the gospel. And little do we know, but our toughest and most investigators, we haven't even met yet- they will be our children. She said that maybe even for some of us here on missions, maybe the reason we are here isn;t even for someone here in the philippines, but maybe for someone when we get home and stay engaged in missionary work. In another talk, she talked about companions. About how someone doesn't have to be just like you to be loved by you. This day was an answer to so many of my prayers. 

We have really been working with the Visperaz Family, a less active family, well part member. We have been getting really close to them. We had the greatest conversation/ lesson saturday to their family, and Michael, the 22 yr old brother, expressed he wants to go on a mission. He isn't educated and hasn't been active for years, but has been these past few months. We really just helped him understand what a mission could do for him and he then expressed that he can't leave because his famiy won't get by without him working for them, and that he doesn't feel he knows enough. Anyway, long story short we really helped this family see their potential. They commited to come to church, and low and behold, they were all there the next day. And attended all the meetings. They were SO HAPPY. As in, SO happy. That night, we visited them and had them all report on what they learned. After this experience, sister obnias and I were so happy. I then reflected on my family life. We always went to church together- no question. And we always went around the dinner table after, sharing what we learned. I didn't even realize all the wonderful, good, SOLID things my parents did while we were growing up, those CONSCIOUS decisions, and goals they had for us. i guess to be honest, I am now just realizing how smart my parents are! haha, sorry mom and dad! 

This week was so great. Full of ups and downs, as usual. but as Grant said to me last week: I hope this week wasn't easy and that it was fun. "It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great."

-Tom Hanks
There never was an easy day in the mission. Be happy that it is hard! .

It's so true. This is hard, but if it was a piece of cake i probably wouldn't really be learning anything worth knowing. I am so sorry these are so long, but honestly, I love recapping my week and seeing it all layed out. Time is so weird. I swear it was just PDAY, but then I think about zone conference 3 days ago and I swear that was last year sometime. 

I love being here and i have a feeling that when it's time to come home, I won't want to. I love all of you a lot, thank you for spoiling me my whole life, i am so blessed. 

Love love love LOVE, 

Sister Hafen

Me and Sister Meinzers trainer, Sister Janda... She is now in my half of the mission and Sister Meinzer isn't so we sent her this and made her jealous!

Sister Wilkins (my Lola- Grandma here on the mission. she trained my trainer.) and my first sister training leader, Sister T.

Me and Sister Obi!

Zone con. Sister Palomo, Bates, Obnias, Me.

Happy Birthday Maelyn!

Visperaz kids.

So beautiful.

Bassig fam.

Bassig family, and Sister Stabenaw in the yellow (on splits with Sister Bates, sister training leader Siya)

Dinner at the Bassig home- DELISH!

Happy 23rd birthday Sister Mary Joy! (investigor namin, she is the one I am right behind)

Sister Abbey Hafen // Week Twenty // "Duane"

Last pday night, I read some of my MTC notes and read my journal from my one year at the U, notes and journal entries from institute, etc. After, I felt spiritually rejuvenated. This week ROCKED-Besides the fact that Friday, for the first time here in the Philippines, I haven't felt well enough to work. That sucked hard core (sorry, vulgar language). I really don't know how some missionaries stay home all day or just don't work when they don't feel like it- that was the worst day of my life and it was only from 2-6 and then we had a meeting. Haha. I have been so blessed here in the Pines (as mom calls it) and have been so healthy.

As I read my notes, I just remembered WHY I love the gospel so much. It's all about CHANGE. We can change every single day. We can change from one hour to the next. GAH. I read all my notes from brother case's class and just remembered that I loved the way he taught. He emphasized the atonement in everything. He emphasized that YES we have weaknesses, but we can change every day. The most common phrase in my journal was "I just need to be better and live up to my potential" and then every journal entry I would always promise to change and I would write a game plan or ways I can be better. Reading my journal really reminded me why this gospel is the best thing ever.

The work is so good, but really I have no idea what you want to hear about. Me, our investigators, the country, what? I feel like my emails are all over the place...

Anyway, I will just write of a few experiences we had this week. So Sister Obnias, as I said before, is just a master at OYMing.(just talking to people on the street and asking if we can teach them sometime). She's so bold and fearless!  We OYM'd this lady, and what do ya know- we find out her and her husband had been taught by the missionaries like 10 months ago, and then the missionaries stopped coming. She was so open for us to come back, so we did a few days later. The lesson was so cool and their little 4 month old baby, the husband and mom, and little 5 year old were all present. The dad seemed offish at first, but then a few minutes in was making sure the baby and little boy were quiet so we could teach. We are going back with a family in our ward to fellowship them this week at the lesson. I am so excited. Another OYM, her husband is a member but LA and she is totally open for us to come back. I saw her come out of this gate, and I walked up to her and asked if I could help her with her bags. She said no, and then we just walked and talked with her. We walked all the way to her house and then she just invited us right in! We got talking about her job (she's a nurse) and how her daughter is handicapped. She went inside, woke her daughter up, and had us meet her. We explained a teeny bit about the plan of salvation and she said we could come back next week. a few days later she saw me and a branch missionary (we were on splits) walking and yelled out from the tricee "sister!" and we went and she wanted us to meet her husband. We are going to her house this week. Her name is Abby. Haha. I wanted to tell her so bad "me too!" hahaha.

We have just been so blessed just for opening our mouths to people. We are finding people that the Lord has already prepared. If you don't talk to them, you'll never know if they are one of those prepared people. Even if they don't get baptized, you might just be one little part of their conversion, and maybe 5 years down the road they will be more ready. I was sooo nervous and prideful before, not wanting to talk to people because I was too nervous about my tagalog. This week I literally told Heavenly Father, "K. I am yours." 

.......Sister Obnias and I then studied humilty during companionship study. In PMG it says that being humble is a sign of strength, not weakness. I really just decided to test this whole "I-will-completely-rely-on-you-HeavenlyFather-thing" this week, and accept that literally with my efforts alone, I won't get anywhere.

.... My experience was one that I honestly can't even explain. We did splits with some branch missionaries Saturday. I was nervous, but just decided to tell the Lord that I was going to completely rely on him. Even though my branch missionary companion speaks tagalog, she isn't a missionary. She was quiet and shy and didn't say too much, but still talked and kept conversation going, which I was grateful. She's never OYM'd and so after we got panted (going to teach someone, and they aren't home at that time) we just OYM'd. I literally talked to so many people, got return appointments, and understood everything everyone was saying. Every person I OYM'd was so amazed at my tagalog. The whole day sister Zy (the fellowshipper) and I just talked in tagalog, and taught all the lessons together. We were done with every person we planned for, all our backup plans, and OYM'd a million people, and it was only 6PM. Pambihirah!!! (like, wow in english)!!! Our dinner appt was at 7. So we still had one more hour and it was dang dark at this time. I remembered that there was one investigator that the missionaries before us taught. He was only available Saturday nights. And we were in his area, and...... it was saturday. So i thought, what the heck. We'll go try him. Sister acoba and I had tried several saturdays before, but each time he always yelled from behind the gate "next week sisters". So sister zy and i walked up to his gate and there he was,  Duane Tarrayo, almost just like waiting for us! I called out to him and asked if we could come in. He got chairs ready and we sat down outside on his front porch.

We got talking, but It's hard here because even when I speak tagalog to people, they try to speak english back to me because they think that is what i want and they are trying to be considerate. So we got talking and I was asking all about his family and he just tried to answer in english and some tagalog. He was so respectful and said "sister" before and after every sentence. Example: how old are your sons? "sister, 7 and 11, sister." Haha. Anyway, so I explained that my companion speaks tagalog and that if I don't understand, she will help me and its okay if you speak tagalog! he just kept speaking english. So after a while, I really just ran out of small talk, and sister zy was completely silent. We started the lesson with a prayer, and I just began to teach the lesson of the restoration. 

All I can say is that the gift of tongues worked in me that night. Literally, I can barely even remember what happened. Every time I turned to Sister Zy to take over or to teach the next principle, she just looked at me and nodded telling me to continue. I continued through the entire lesson, and questions came to mind to ask him. We talked about the Saviors role as a "doctor" as Duane had said that's how he feels about his savior. I kept teaching and then bore testimony of Joseph Smith story. I told him that I know my tagalog is hard to understand, but with that aside, I wanted him to know that I knew this was true. He cut me off right after I said my tagalog was hard to understand, and said "Sister. I understand you."

After I finished, sister zy summarized the restoration and bore testimony. We finished the lesson by telling him about the book of mormon and teaching him to pray. He said the closing prayer and just thanked Heavenly Father for us sisters. I said we were happy to come back and I suggested saturday. he then said "Yes Saturday. I am home at 5PM." 

I really don't know what is going to happen with Brother Duane. Maybe nothing. He had questions about how Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are separate, and he is active in his Church of Christ church. Maybe he will find out for himself that this is the true church. Maybe he won't. Maybe next week he'll yell out from the gate again saying "next week sisters".

But I do know that appointment happened for a reason. Heavenly Father taught me that literally, if I completely give everything to him, lose my pride, and just stop worrying about what people might be thinking- just HUMBLE myself- he really can use me. He can use me as an instrument here. I decided that morning I was going to do that, and I showed my faith through my actions- talking to everyone, OYMing and just losing my pride. So when we got to Duane's house, I just prayed in my heart before we walked in "Heavenly Father, I am yours."

    After the lesson to duane, sister zy said, "sister hafen. he was so focused on you, that every time you turned to me to take over, i just couldn't. he wasn't even looking at me, he was barely even blinking, just listening to every single word you said. i just had to let you keep teaching."

At times, even 3 months here in the Philippines, I question if this is where I can best be used. Even after I get answers to my prayers or have experiences, I still question Heavenly Father. Haha I would legit get depressed when I watch the district clips during comp study/12week training before, because I was wishing I was in America teaching in my own language with my own people. Why didn't Heavenly Father send me where I could be of more use. There are so many other people that speak tagalog, or that are so much faster at learning a language, and that are smarter and better learners than me. I almost feel like a waste of space, I'm having to be trained, and having to rely so much on my companions, and am just still learning how to do things on my own. I promise myself every day that I will just be so obedient and patient, and try to open myself up to the spirit, so that even if I don't know what the heck anyone is talking about, maybe my presence will help the lesson or maybe my smile with touch someone's heart. 

I tested my worry out. I tested it out and showed my faith by completely relying on my Father in Heaven. I know that this work can be done by me. I know that I am slow. But I know that Heavenly Father is smart, and he wouldn't send someone somewhere if all they were going to be was a waste of space. There's a purpose for me here, and I'm still figuring it out. 

This email is turning into a novel, maybe I should go back and split it into part 1, part II and then chapters. Haha. Anyway.

I am so happy here, I am really finding my groove here in the mission. I am trying my hardest. I am so dang tired. I am happy. I love my life.

Love,

sister hapen

 (they say f's and p's here. i legit sometimes introduce myself like "ako po si sister hapen" haha. )

I love Sister Obi.

30 minute prayer... hahaha

Splits! Sister Obi, Zy, Val, me. Sister Zy and I were companions.

The Josue fam!

Dinner with the Josue fam (members).