As I read my notes, I just remembered WHY I love the gospel so much. It's all about CHANGE. We can change every single day. We can change from one hour to the next. GAH. I read all my notes from brother case's class and just remembered that I loved the way he taught. He emphasized the atonement in everything. He emphasized that YES we have weaknesses, but we can change every day. The most common phrase in my journal was "I just need to be better and live up to my potential" and then every journal entry I would always promise to change and I would write a game plan or ways I can be better. Reading my journal really reminded me why this gospel is the best thing ever.
The work is so good, but really I have no idea what you want to hear about. Me, our investigators, the country, what? I feel like my emails are all over the place...
Anyway, I will just write of a few experiences we had this week. So Sister Obnias, as I said before, is just a master at OYMing.(just talking to people on the street and asking if we can teach them sometime). She's so bold and fearless! We OYM'd this lady, and what do ya know- we find out her and her husband had been taught by the missionaries like 10 months ago, and then the missionaries stopped coming. She was so open for us to come back, so we did a few days later. The lesson was so cool and their little 4 month old baby, the husband and mom, and little 5 year old were all present. The dad seemed offish at first, but then a few minutes in was making sure the baby and little boy were quiet so we could teach. We are going back with a family in our ward to fellowship them this week at the lesson. I am so excited. Another OYM, her husband is a member but LA and she is totally open for us to come back. I saw her come out of this gate, and I walked up to her and asked if I could help her with her bags. She said no, and then we just walked and talked with her. We walked all the way to her house and then she just invited us right in! We got talking about her job (she's a nurse) and how her daughter is handicapped. She went inside, woke her daughter up, and had us meet her. We explained a teeny bit about the plan of salvation and she said we could come back next week. a few days later she saw me and a branch missionary (we were on splits) walking and yelled out from the tricee "sister!" and we went and she wanted us to meet her husband. We are going to her house this week. Her name is Abby. Haha. I wanted to tell her so bad "me too!" hahaha.
We have just been so blessed just for opening our mouths to people. We are finding people that the Lord has already prepared. If you don't talk to them, you'll never know if they are one of those prepared people. Even if they don't get baptized, you might just be one little part of their conversion, and maybe 5 years down the road they will be more ready. I was sooo nervous and prideful before, not wanting to talk to people because I was too nervous about my tagalog. This week I literally told Heavenly Father, "K. I am yours."
.......Sister Obnias and I then studied humilty during companionship study. In PMG it says that being humble is a sign of strength, not weakness. I really just decided to test this whole "I-will-completely-rely-on-you-HeavenlyFather-thing" this week, and accept that literally with my efforts alone, I won't get anywhere.
.... My experience was one that I honestly can't even explain. We did splits with some branch missionaries Saturday. I was nervous, but just decided to tell the Lord that I was going to completely rely on him. Even though my branch missionary companion speaks tagalog, she isn't a missionary. She was quiet and shy and didn't say too much, but still talked and kept conversation going, which I was grateful. She's never OYM'd and so after we got panted (going to teach someone, and they aren't home at that time) we just OYM'd. I literally talked to so many people, got return appointments, and understood everything everyone was saying. Every person I OYM'd was so amazed at my tagalog. The whole day sister Zy (the fellowshipper) and I just talked in tagalog, and taught all the lessons together. We were done with every person we planned for, all our backup plans, and OYM'd a million people, and it was only 6PM. Pambihirah!!! (like, wow in english)!!! Our dinner appt was at 7. So we still had one more hour and it was dang dark at this time. I remembered that there was one investigator that the missionaries before us taught. He was only available Saturday nights. And we were in his area, and...... it was saturday. So i thought, what the heck. We'll go try him. Sister acoba and I had tried several saturdays before, but each time he always yelled from behind the gate "next week sisters". So sister zy and i walked up to his gate and there he was, Duane Tarrayo, almost just like waiting for us! I called out to him and asked if we could come in. He got chairs ready and we sat down outside on his front porch.
We got talking, but It's hard here because even when I speak tagalog to people, they try to speak english back to me because they think that is what i want and they are trying to be considerate. So we got talking and I was asking all about his family and he just tried to answer in english and some tagalog. He was so respectful and said "sister" before and after every sentence. Example: how old are your sons? "sister, 7 and 11, sister." Haha. Anyway, so I explained that my companion speaks tagalog and that if I don't understand, she will help me and its okay if you speak tagalog! he just kept speaking english. So after a while, I really just ran out of small talk, and sister zy was completely silent. We started the lesson with a prayer, and I just began to teach the lesson of the restoration.
All I can say is that the gift of tongues worked in me that night. Literally, I can barely even remember what happened. Every time I turned to Sister Zy to take over or to teach the next principle, she just looked at me and nodded telling me to continue. I continued through the entire lesson, and questions came to mind to ask him. We talked about the Saviors role as a "doctor" as Duane had said that's how he feels about his savior. I kept teaching and then bore testimony of Joseph Smith story. I told him that I know my tagalog is hard to understand, but with that aside, I wanted him to know that I knew this was true. He cut me off right after I said my tagalog was hard to understand, and said "Sister. I understand you."
After I finished, sister zy summarized the restoration and bore testimony. We finished the lesson by telling him about the book of mormon and teaching him to pray. He said the closing prayer and just thanked Heavenly Father for us sisters. I said we were happy to come back and I suggested saturday. he then said "Yes Saturday. I am home at 5PM."
I really don't know what is going to happen with Brother Duane. Maybe nothing. He had questions about how Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are separate, and he is active in his Church of Christ church. Maybe he will find out for himself that this is the true church. Maybe he won't. Maybe next week he'll yell out from the gate again saying "next week sisters".
But I do know that appointment happened for a reason. Heavenly Father taught me that literally, if I completely give everything to him, lose my pride, and just stop worrying about what people might be thinking- just HUMBLE myself- he really can use me. He can use me as an instrument here. I decided that morning I was going to do that, and I showed my faith through my actions- talking to everyone, OYMing and just losing my pride. So when we got to Duane's house, I just prayed in my heart before we walked in "Heavenly Father, I am yours."
After the lesson to duane, sister zy said, "sister hafen. he was so focused on you, that every time you turned to me to take over, i just couldn't. he wasn't even looking at me, he was barely even blinking, just listening to every single word you said. i just had to let you keep teaching."
At times, even 3 months here in the Philippines, I question if this is where I can best be used. Even after I get answers to my prayers or have experiences, I still question Heavenly Father. Haha I would legit get depressed when I watch the district clips during comp study/12week training before, because I was wishing I was in America teaching in my own language with my own people. Why didn't Heavenly Father send me where I could be of more use. There are so many other people that speak tagalog, or that are so much faster at learning a language, and that are smarter and better learners than me. I almost feel like a waste of space, I'm having to be trained, and having to rely so much on my companions, and am just still learning how to do things on my own. I promise myself every day that I will just be so obedient and patient, and try to open myself up to the spirit, so that even if I don't know what the heck anyone is talking about, maybe my presence will help the lesson or maybe my smile with touch someone's heart.
I tested my worry out. I tested it out and showed my faith by completely relying on my Father in Heaven. I know that this work can be done by me. I know that I am slow. But I know that Heavenly Father is smart, and he wouldn't send someone somewhere if all they were going to be was a waste of space. There's a purpose for me here, and I'm still figuring it out.
This email is turning into a novel, maybe I should go back and split it into part 1, part II and then chapters. Haha. Anyway.
I am so happy here, I am really finding my groove here in the mission. I am trying my hardest. I am so dang tired. I am happy. I love my life.
Love,
sister hapen
(they say f's and p's here. i legit sometimes introduce myself like "ako po si sister hapen" haha. )
I love Sister Obi.
30 minute prayer... hahaha
Splits! Sister Obi, Zy, Val, me. Sister Zy and I were companions.
The Josue fam!
Dinner with the Josue fam (members).
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