here's one small example: RM's talk about how much you will love conference on the mish. i thought, yeah, of course i will, but like, i love conference anyway, so yeah.
..........ummm, i could barely even contain myself to shower and get ready saturday and sunday because i was SO excited for conference! haha, it was the BEST two days of my life. I honestly was loving my life so much. i can't even explain to you!! there was so much about missionary work, i was dying inside. i could send home this huge email just telling all of you to listen and get involved right now, but all I want to say is that honestly, this is the best work there is out there. Like Joseph Smith said, after everything is said and done, and most important responsibility we have as members is missionary work. Honestly, i can't EVEN tell you what a difference it makes when a member is present in a lesson. It gives so much validity to what we are saying as young sisters in the mission field. It is so nice when the YW presidency visits a young sister who has gone inactive, when a home teacher brings his less active hometeaching family to an activity, etc. I cannot even tell you how beautiful it is when the members are on board.
... and I cannot even tell you what a struggle I have been gong through as I have realized this. I realized how I completely didn't get this as a member before my mission. I said last week that I honestly was converted to the WRONG part of the gospel. I have been struggling out here because I never once did my visiting teaching up at the U. not once for those two semesters. There was always an excuse or something that I came up with to excuse myself. And now I am here, pleading to Heavenly Father to get the members to do their part, because the less actives just need a friend. And I visit less actives and tell them they need to do this and that, but who am I to tell them that? I didn't even do it.
But, as President Uchtdorf said I think, this gospel, the organization of the church, is for nourishing, trying to do good, and to come and join as we ALL grow in faith and hope. Even as a missionary. I realize that again, as they said in conference, I can only look ahead and not backwards. I can't run over Salt Lake and go visit all those girls and catch up, it's said and done! I can only look forward and ask for forgiveness. I can only start where I'm at, and go up from here.
So this week was wild. We went to the hospital for my roommate, S. Suay and ever since she's just been throwing up and dizzy and man. There is something wrong. It's been a crazy week, but she's hangin' in there. I will admit, that Sister Acoba and I were loving every minute at the hospital; its dangerous to allow deprived sister missionaries who were formerly nurses (sister acoba is an RN) CNA's. We were having the time of our lives just walking around and asking the nurses questions, etc. Haha, and just the FEEL of a hospital/health care enviroment was so fun. Hahaha.
For the 12 week training program, this was the week I was supposed to lead. Lead all teaching and planning, and just everything. I was so nervous last monday morning, like I honestly wanted to barf. but the week went great. It really made me realize how much my trainer does for me everyday and how many responsibilities she has. All the foreigner missonaries in the entire mission had to go to the mission home to get fingerprinted, so all the missionaries from our zone went together. so many of them this is their first cycle, so I led. got us on the buses, tricees, and zipped us around the philippines for the morning. it was so nerveracking, but so fun too. After this whole week of me leading, we evaluated last night and my trainer told me things i need to improve on and things I did well. This entire time, she really has been training me so that when I finish my training I will be ready to train. She really is the best, I love my trainer so much.
This week we had a 3rd companion for a day, and she is from Figi and this is her first cycle here. Since I was leading this week, I had to include her in all the lessons, fill her in on what was going on, etc. It was such a blessing to work with her because it reminded me of two things: 1. I really have improved SO MUCH since I first got here. OH my heck, I was so grateful to see her teach and know that that is where I used to be and that I really have improved in the language and teaching; its hard to see your own progress when you do the same things every day. 2. Simple testimony of truth invites the spirit. The spirit testifies of truth.
General conference really was the greatest thing ever. I was obsessed and just loving life. Saturday, we lost conncection for video display, so for like an hour we just saw a big blue screen with the audio. but like, it didn't even matter. i was still loving life and loving conference. Us four sisters acoba, suay, bates, and myself each drew from a hat and split up the general authorities and presidency. we decided to focus on them, pray for them, and then tonight, we will have a little S.H.E. (sister home evening) and share what we loved and learned. It was such a good idea from Sister Bates! I am so excited.
some randoms from the week:
-a little boy spit on me. yep. little weasel!
-he also peed on my shoes on the front porch. thanks bro.
-i played violin for the zone meeting with my companion accompanying me. i will miss that when we aren't companions anymore...
-there was a cobra in our house, sweet.
-nai mesa (nai is the word for older woman, like mother, and you call everyone Nai here.) asked us last week what all of our favorite foods were, and then this friday for our dinner appointment, she cooked them all. it was thebest day of our lives.
-another baugio warning- we prepped on food and water but it didn't hit us too bad. just super down pour in our area. we had to stay at nai mesa's for like 2.5 hours before we could walk home. it was madness.
This week was really crazy and I really am leaving out so many details, but just know that I am so happy. Just know that even though sometimes, i legit ask the question if this whole thing is really worth it, why the heck did i come, will i ever be enough, where is my MOM, what in world is going on, why can't i be flawless, what is wrong with me, what is her problem, and the worst question of all, where are you heavenly father?
But. The best thing is that every week when I come to write, everything that was in disarray always comes back together. Everything gets solved and as I sit down to write my email, I just think what that 105 year old man thought from conference: Heavenly Father has been so good to me.
I think it's normal to question who you are when you are on a mission (if not, crap, cause i have asked that question a lot). I honestly find myself thinking in my head, alright- with this situation, who am i going to be? i think about all these different options or different things i could try, i think of different people i could act like, etc. But every single time, I end up just acting like myself. I just think, what the heck. All I can do is be Abbey, so just be Abbey.
... and let me tell you. That is ALWAYS the right decision. And I can't change ABBEY. I can only make the Abbey I am now, into the best Abbey Hafen there ever was. The best Abbey Hafen that I can be. I can change my character and become more like my Savior, and honestly become that person I have always wanted, but I will always be Abbey. And as I hold on to that here, in this 3rd world country across the GLOBE, where honestly the LAST person I want to be is a white american with curly red hair, I feel comfort. Last night we taught a less active family, and I just really felt like myself. I explained principles and asked questions to make them think. The spirit was so strong and the lesson went so well. After that lesson, we went and just prayed with a family with a bunch of little kids. As we knelt down on the floor or their tiny little house, the rice and food on the knee length table a few feet away, we knelt to pray. And as s. acoba and i joked with the little kids, we were laughing so hard. i couldn't even contain myself to pray and for a minute there, i realized how truly and honestly happy I am. I am not perfect in the language. But I have been blessed with understanding. I am not the perfect missionary, but I know how to improve.
This is the best decision I've ever made. During conference, when they prayed for the full time missionaries every single prayer, i honestly felt that strength. thank you for praying for me because i really do think that is where my random boosts of energy and happiness come from. This is the hardest thing I have ever done and honestly its so funny how every little thing return missoinaries said to me, are coming true. Ignorance is not bliss, it really is just embarassing. But i've never been so grateful to be embarassed and laugh at myself, because the things I am learning from it are so important.
Love,
Sister Abbey Hafen
I love Alicia! (the area I'm in)
3 some for a day!
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